Conversations With People Who Hate Me is a hopeful new book by Dylan Marron about how the simple act of conversation helped him find empathy in our shame-fueled, internet-obsessed culture. I picked up this book based on a friend’s recommendation (also admittedly based on its colorful, swirly cover), and I’m so glad that I did. In Conversations, Marron looks back to 2015 when his job involved making and posting videos on the internet, and when he first started getting inundated with hateful comments online, everything from snide remarks on his haircut to anti-LGBTQ+ slurs. When Marron almost-accidentally starts a conversation with one of his trolls (a term he doesn’t use anymore, and explains why in the book) and discovers that the person on the other end of the call is not only apologetic, but relatable and even likable, an idea sparks. From there, Marron sets out to facilitate and record phone calls with various strangers who have sent him hate online and creates a podcast — Conversations With People Who Hate Me — as a platform for the exchanges. This book is filled with the lessons he learned while making the podcast, and I finished it feeling inspired to seek out conversations of my own.
Conversations With People Who Hate Me takes a topic that can be frustrating, at its best, and depressing, at its worst, and somehow makes it delightful. In our current climate, when every harmless exchange seems seconds away from turning into a heated debate, Marron’s insight into bridging the gap between political, cultural, and moral differences is especially timely. I found myself nodding along as Marron described his internal monologue during conversations (the initial impulse to prove my “rightness” with statistics and facts can be so overpowering sometimes), and I learned right along with him as he began to replace comebacks with questions and trade his all-or-nothing mindset for an acceptance of ambiguity. The pacing is swift and Marron’s narration is humorous; reading Conversations felt like active engagement and I frequently dog-eared pages to return to later. If you’ve ever wondered why social media makes you feel bad, struggled to find common ground with someone, or you simply need a reminder that there’s good in the world, then check out Conversations with People Who Hate Me.
I’d recommend this book to…
- Anyone who’s interested in the psychology of shame and vulnerability… it’s similar in theme to Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
- Anyone who loves a relatable, funny, and inspirational memoir… it’s similar in style to Year of Yesby Shonda Rhimes
- Anyone who likes when the morals of the story are wrapped in hilarious, heartwarming packaging… it’s similar in tone to Ted Lassoon Apple TV+
